estudante neurotica

for the end of my history of medicine humanities class we were asked to make up a disease and write about it in a journal form... i think i may actually have this...

Alarming Psychiatric Disorder Afflicting Medical Students

Over the last seven months, several cases of a newly recognized psychiatric disorder have been identified in the area. The disorder, referred to by the medical community as estudante neurotica, or more commonly “burn out syndrome,” has manifested itself almost exclusively among College of Medicine students, with other sporadic cases presented throughout other graduate programs in the area.

The disorder seems to be slow onset, starting with emotional changes and slowly becoming systemic, with first symptoms including difficulty sleeping, changes in weight and diet, mood swings and irritability, as well as altered social interactions. Later signs include nausea, vomiting, cold sweats, clammy hands, dry mouth, anxiety, arrhythmias and hypertension. Feelings of insufficiency, inadequacy, extreme highs and lows, antipathy, disinterest, inability to stay awake during class, increased desire of isolation and disconnect from their peers and others are also common among individuals with the disorder. Some individuals appear to show signs of obsessive nature, attempting to control their environment at all times, only to exacerbate their feelings of disorder. Other signs may be evident in individuals’ dress and personal hygiene, with an impressive decrease in importance given to self-preservation, and in some cases, a decreased frequency of showering may be recognized by distinct body odor. Memory loss, loss of notion of time and place and general cognition are also present in most cases. Some individuals also present confusion in the distinction between place of residence and place of study, often due to spending increased amount of time in places outside of the home.  In several individuals, the inability to communicate and hold conversations about subjects other than science has been noted; furthermore, the ability to identify appropriateness of discussing topics at certain times may be hindered. Increased use of facebook, email, and other virtual means of communication may also be linked to the disorder; it is unclear if this is a symptom or an underlying contributor to the disorder. Over the long term, the disorder may also increase risk in the prevalence of obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. 

It is difficult to diagnose the disorder until later symptoms of neurosis, anxiety, and social disorders have developed, at which time the disorder has progressed systemically and symptoms are harder to control with a longer prognosis. DSM, as well as the Kübler-Ross model, unconventionally applied, are used as testing models for this disorder.

The first case diagnosed at the Student Health Center in August of 2011 was seen in a 23 year old female shortly after the first weeks of classes. She presented with high blood pressure, syncope, nausea and vomiting, hyperventilation as well as difficulty remembering general information such as day of the week and month, friends’ names, as well as important dates. Shortly after, more cases appeared, and a remarkable 60% of first year students at the College of Medicine students have been diagnosed, with speculation of another 15 – 20% of students with the disorder who have been undiagnosed.

In second year students, similar statistics were found, with 85% of students showing symptoms of the disorder.

Administrators and faculty are attempting to address the situation at hand by increasing mandatory class times to increase peer interaction and by integrating classes that appeal to the humanitarian side of the student; however, the effects of these efforts are still being evaluated.

It is unclear if this disorder is due to high stress demands of academia, or if there exists other underlying environmental triggers such as an intoxicated water supply at the isolated medical school campus or altered quality of air supply to lecture rooms on campus. The disorder does not appear to be genetic.

Interestingly, the prevalence of the disorder was significantly less, with a 15% decrease in prevalence, among students who did not attend lectures regularly.

Individuals affected with this disorder are more likely to abuse substances, including caffeine, energy drinks, use of prescription medicines, as well as other stimulants and depressants. 

It is too soon to determine if this disorder has increased prevalence across the nation or if it has been localized to the area. 

the day i cut my leg with a chainsaw...

writing about my traumatic eye experience made me remember my yet-to-be-told chainsaw story. yes, you read that correctly, chainsaw. my parents decided to buy seventy-five acres of forest about three years ago, and six months later decided to start clearing the land and building the guesthouse. now, if you've met my dad you would know his theory on hiring people to do things for you goes something like "hire help? that's why you have kids!" and when that isn't enough, "borrow your brother's kids!" and so, the whole family cohorted to start clearing the land.

it's right before fourth of july weekend, sweltering hot in the houston heat and humidity, i'm using the chainsaw to cut down little, i mean smaller-than-the-width-of-my-arm, trees that are in the way of the driveway... this is all going down in truly rustic fushion: i'm wearing jeans, cowboy boots, a bandana... protective gear? what's that? no, i am not using protective gear... i'm cutting through a small pine when the chainsaw hits a knot, causing it to jump back in the direction of my left knee... the chainsaw turns off, i don't feel anything, i think to myself 'did i just cut my leg with the chainsaw...??' i put the chainsaw on the ground, look down at my knee and begin to scream... all i see is blood soaked jeans, i definitively feel something now... my younger cousin who had seen the whole thing about fifteen feet away from me is crying in horror, i'm grasping at my knee, everyone is yelling, my sister ties a bandanna around my knee and my dad who is about 900 feet away from me, all the way down the driveway, is running towards me, cursing why he let me use a chainsaw, he falls, continues to run.... he's so upset that he's red and hitting his legs with his fists, they get me in the car.... the hospital happens to be like thirty minutes away... my dad is driving like a madman with my uncle in tandem... my dad is stopping at red lights and my uncle is honking at him, yelling out the window in farsi "why are you stopping!!!" (try reading that 'Vy are you e-stopping' - hilarious)... he stops stopping at the red lights... all the while one of our friends who we were supposed to meet up later with is calling, my sister answers the phone and yells at him a short, "Ruben, Ary just cut her leg with a chainsaw" and hangs up... poor kid...

we finally make it to the hospital, there are no patients there, the triage nurse asks what happened.. (ummm just cut my leg with a chainsaw)... she makes small talk... "guess you can't be a knee model now"... she laughs... (listen lady, i'm bleeding)... she asks me what my pain is on a scale from one to ten (really?? an eleven maybe??)... they take me back to a bed and leave me with a gown... the nurse tells me to change... (oh, ok i'll just take off my boots and jeans by myself...) my mother comes back to help me... pain killers... some other stuff...local anesthesia... they ask me if i can still feel this [pokes knee]... yes, i can still feel that... more injections... 'can you feel this?' [poke]... uh, yea, yea i can... more injections.. [poke]... I CAN STILL FEEL IT! YOU CAN INJECT THE WHOLE BOTTLE, THANKS! i finally can't feel my knee... they clean my knee out (i almost pass out)... luckily my jeans stopped the chainsaw, causing it to bounce of my patella and preventing major damage... cut away burned tissue... close up my knee... a straight knee brace and crutches for two months, painkillers, no physical activity for one year... i finally get to go home...

the rest of the healing process was rather lackluster... i got left at home for the rest of the summer while everyone else was building (the things you have to go through in my family to get out of work!)... luckily, nearly three years later my knee is fully functional...  and if it wasn't for a small scar on my knee and my residual fear of all power tools, you would never know of my encounter with the chainsaw... people actually seem disappointed when i tell them about the incident and then i show them my scar - they cut away all the dead and burned tissue, pulled it all together in a little line on my knee, and all i have to show for it is a five inch scar - well i'm sorry, people, that my scar isn't more impressive, next time i'll ask for a cooler one...

how not to tell your patient they may or may not have eye cancer...

so today was fun. during clinical skills we were using our opthalmascopes on our partners, practicing checking eyes, when my partner finds a "black dot" on my left retina... looks again... yes, the black spot is still there. we call over our overseeing physicians, he looks into my eye, looks at me, asks when the last time i had my eyes checked were (7 months ago), asks if this black dot has always been there (ummm... no?), tells me "in all my forty two years of practice I have never seen this before. could be melanoma. you should see a specialist"... at this point i'm in shock, considering crying, remembering i don't have eye insurance, i joke - pretending i'm not completely frightened... he realizes maybe he should not have thrown out that diagnosis, "oh don't worry it's probably nothing, i mean i've never seen it, and you don't want to mess around with those kinds of things.... something, something.... melanoma... something, something... i would just get that checked out as soon as possible if i were you".... i start crying... my classmates attempt to comfort me... and now i'm expected to go back to class and pretend like i'm not dying from cancer...

drama takes over: frantically googling black spots on retina, calls mom in hysterics, [I PROBABLY HAVE CANCER], tries to buy eye insurance, leaves class, makes an appointment with the student health center, [I'M GOING TO BE BLIND], tries to make an appointment with the specialist (cannot - i have to go in to make an appointment), [HOW AM I GOING TO BE A BLIND DOCTOR], friend comforts and reminds that the spot is only in the left eye,  [HOW AM I GOING TO BE A ONE-EYED DOCTOR], friend continues to comfort, [I'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO USE A MONOCLE], decide i should not freak out until i actually see the specialist, return to class, sit in class in a pool of self-pity completely distracted...

i decide i can't wait for my scheduled student health center appointment at 3pm and leave school since i can't pay attention anyway and head over to the student health center - i was hoping someone there would tell me it was nothing and i wouldn't have to go see the specialist, but that wasn't the case. they take me as a walk in, my blood pressure is 145/98, the nurse asks me if i ran there (no. no, i did not.) the nurse begins to do a vision test on me. she covers my left (spotted) eye, asks me to read the chart with my right eye... letters... then she asks me to read the chart with just my left eye... it's fuzzy (probably because it has just been closed), i can't focus, i convince myself i have been losing my vision this whole time and i'm just now realizing it so i start crying again, the lady is asking me to read the letters, i say some... she writes down my vision as right eye: 20/25; left eye: 20/80. the doctor sees me, tells me he is not sure what the spot is, and tells me to go to the specialist...

i drive to the specialist office, tell them my story, tell them i was referred... they tell me they can make an appointment for me next wednesday...  i start crying again, how am i supposed to do anything (like study) when i'm worried that i have cancer in my left eye? now, i hate crying in front of people, i hate that i can't control it and hate being vulnerable, so i don't even feel bad that my tears worked in my advantage for once... she feels sorry for me, tries to make me laugh, and says she will squeeze me in.

while i sit in the waiting room, i begin to realize i'm the only one there under the age of 70 - of course, i would have old people problems.... they squeeze me in, dilate my eyes, take pictures of my retina... the doctor comes in and tells me i have two benign pigmentation tumors (like a freckle) called choroidal nevus on my left retina, one is on my optic nerve the other is to the side... says it could develop into malignant melanoma but its rare and i will just have to keep an eye on them.... (get it? keep an eye on them... haha jk, that wasn't actually a joke) anyway, three hundred dollars later, crisis averted, for now... 

auld lang syne

so as it turns out, blogging faced the same fate as all of my other miserable journals - tossed aside until stumbled upon quite some time later... i can't tell you how many old journal/diaries of mine i have found recently, only to open them up and read the embarrassing banter of a younger self... my most recent find: journal of my fourteen year old self after moving to brazil... the pages adorned with "why do my parents hate me... i hate my parents... life seems so pointless right now... etc".... i wanted to die. unlike the normal half written attempt of a journal i normally find laden with "so this time i'll really write," (only to succumb to my own disinterest and reconfirm the same promise six months later) this journal was fully written in, cover to cover. it was so embarrassing i couldn't even bring myself to read full entries. there is nothing worse than finding an old journal and reading the ridiculous things i decided to write about during that time... when i was probably about nine i remember thinking i would start keeping a real journal, but i would write it as if someone, someday was going to read it... because for some reason i thought i was going to be like anne frank (minus the whole religious persecution and all that jazz)... so basically just a journal people would want to read in the future... so basically nothing like anne frank, at all.

over christmas break i ended up, to my dismay, finding three old journals while we were cleaning out old storage containers, and let me tell you, i was apparently a deeply emotional child... needless to say, all of the journals found their way to a burning pile of trash... 

since it is a new year, for old times' sake,  it only seems appropriate to give this another shot... "this time i'll really write"... 

happy new year! year 2012, you've got some big shoes to fill.

[photo by serend1p1tyx: those are not my feet]

snow day number five...

last week a series of unexpected (but not so unfortunate) events resulted in a week of class cut short to only monday.

the culprit: snow
the contender: a histology exam
the score: 5 snow x 0 histology exam

yes, the histology exam that was rescheduled for today (after three other failed reschedules) was once again, rescheduled.

i've never lived in a place where snow was a seasonal event, and that actually happens to still be true. however, thanks to global warming, i've seen snow for the last three years in the three different places i've lived. i was especially ecstatic experiencing my first real snow day, which is more than i can say for the rest of the city - apparently everyone else was frantically buying everything in the supermarket, stocking up on essentials, which apparently is toilet paper because the toilet paper aisle was literally empty.

on a scale from one to procrastination...

it's actually amazing that i can find the time to blog when i am most swamped with things to do...

who am i kidding, it is completely typical of me. our first physiology test of the semester is monday and i have at least fourteen more hours of studying to do... yet, somewhere between going to class this morning and now, i found the time to file taxes, make a three course lunch, watch an episode of "lie to me," take a nap, clean the kitchen, go to the bank, watch "no strings attached" with X, and check facebook at least twenty times... somehow if i fill my wasted time with relatively justifiable activities i can almost convince myself that i wasn't actually procrastinating... here's pretty much how it plays out in my head:

1. taxes: taxes are very important. i mean i could probably go to jail if i didn't file... i didn't even really have a choice.

2. three course meal: it's X's day off work, and since we have to eat anyway i should really at least make an effort to make him some decent food...

3. "lie to me": since we are eating lunch anyway, an episode of "lie to me" at the same time is really just multitasking, and everyone knows multitasking just means time spent extra efficiently 

4. nap: i have a test monday... meaning i can't be tired if i want to study efficiently... plus, not enough sleep can lead to a weakened immune system, and i obviously can't afford to get sick right now... meaning completely necessary.

5. cleaning the kitchen: i can't study in a dirty environment...

6. bank: i have bills, you know...

7. "no strings attached" with X: in a relationship sometimes you have to compromise... and it's X's day off... and i told him we could watch a movie together... and since i have to study later i might as well get the "quality time" over with now because i'll be studying so much later that i'll be practically be neglecting him...

8. facebook: see, this is where it gets tricky... because unfortunately, there is no way for me to justify facestalking people or looking at people's pictures or commenting on their statuses... and thats when it really sinks in that i need to start studying.

right after i get a snack that is....

un, dos, tres

no surprise, three months.  i'll just fill you in with a brief summary of what you've missed:

 nothing.

no really, just read the last few posts, and you'll basically be caught up to christmas break... then we got a pet goat. on the farm that is... i can't imagine my apartment complex would be too happy with a goat, i mean we didn't even pay the pet deposit... 

school is already back in full grind, and i'm already over it... i wish i was more concerned. 

il caffè

what day is it? what time is it? when was the last time i showered? three questions I find myself asking a lot these days... why is lack of time a reoccurring theme in my posts?? four months into my master's program and half the time i feel like i'm drowning. at least twice a week i seriously consider fleeing to europe and opening a bakery, which is totally feasible except for the fact that...

a) i have no money.

b) X won't let me.

c) i can't bake.

just kidding about c, i can totally bake. i mean i'm no Antoine Careme, but i do alright. my baklava can take you to heaven and back. don't mean to ring my own bell, but... *ding ding.* and as for b, i'm pretty sure X is right there with me in regards to fleeing all responsibility and going to europe

a is still true. 

oh yea, and there's some craziness that keeps me from physically and mentally being able to do anything else except help people through medicine. my sister thinks we were brainwashed as young children. but still, a bakery sounds nice right about now. 

sorry readers (or should i say, mom) i have nothing really interesting to say. I've disappeared for over a month and when I find time again I'll 

1. sleep

2. shower

3. catch up on tv shows

4. blog

in that order... 

photo by galenfrysinger

cars have mid-life crises too

It's officially begun again, school that is. One week down, and it already feels like forever. I guess because my "summer vacation" was met with with moving and jumping head first into the masters program, that it still feels unreal to have graduated from college and to see my friends starting graduate school... but who am I to question change? It's not like the past seven years have gone anything like what I was even capable of imagining...


I've decided medical school applications are a lot like what I imagine therapy to be - ridiculously expensive and painfully introspective. There's no hiding from your shortcomings or weaknesses when AMCAS summarizes it for you on an eight by eleven digital print-out of the last four years of your life. Also, the insignificance of your life-until-this-point is really put under the spotlight with the, "Please describe, in 5000 characters or less, your life story. Everything. And if it's not too much to ask, try to make it interesting because we have about 48,000 applicants that are cooler than you." Thanks for not beating around the bush, AMCAS. On the other hand, it's kind of interesting to see a timeline of your activities, and realize how collectively this has all brought you to where you are today, which in my case happens to be blogging in front of one very dirty laptop in our two-window, one-bedroom apartment, in a city whose water tastes questionable (am I the only one who thinks this?). Yea, I would probably change some things if I could go back four years ago and tell my naive, annoyingly friendly (still guilty), crybaby self to suck it up and stay on track. But, for the most part I think my experiences, especially the failures, have made me into who I am today - which is obviously, perfect, if you haven't noticed.


On another note, my bad luck is back in full swing. This week, my car had a mid-life crisis. One flat tire on the weekend, followed by a broken thermostat, sticking brake, broken brake light, cracked windshield, and non-functioning air conditioning (which was extra special with the record breaking temperatures at the beginning of the week). After taking care of the essentials, new left front tire, thermostat in place, brake fixed, draining bank account, adding freon and air diagnosed... Wednesday rolls around to greet me on my way to class, at 7:30am, with a completely flat right front tire. So what do I do? Change it out for the spare tire which also happens to be, completely flat. Excellent. AAA came to my rescue, changed the spare out with the original flat tire, filled it with enough air so I could drive to discount tire (aka my new hangout), where the guy informs me - yea, that's a really old tire. Really wish I had been in there earlier that week to find that out and prevent this whole situation.. oh wait, that's right... I was just in here two days ago. Long story shorter, tire(s) fixed, major crises avoided... same day, a piece of metal coating on my door handle decides to come off and slice my finger open. I'm getting a bike.


I'm hoping this means that last Thursday, when I took my test, that I just used up all my luck quota, and that this was compensation...

photo by eGFI

can you hear me down there?

so, I have a second cousin named Aria... yes, similar names. this is very confusing when we are together because my mother calls me Arya a lot, and when I was growing up my name was ridiculously uncommon, so I am not used to hearing someone call my name and it not be for me... I'm actually conditioned to do the opposite, which is respond to anything even remotely close to my name, including but not limited to, airy, ory-on-a, airy-anna, oreo, arial, uh-ree-un-uh. I also respond to the confused look followed by silence, while someone who has never seen my name before looks at a roll sheet, and sometimes I even turn my head when someone says "are we" or "sorry," both which somehow make me think that someone just said "ary." (I just had a flashback to a friend's middle school birthday party... we went to the movies and someone called me airy, then everyone decided to have their own "airy" friend and leave an empty seat next to them... thanks for that, parents.) But I digress... 

so the other day Aria is visiting us, she's eight by the way, and while we are playing she says "wouldn't it be cool if everyone else in the world disappeared except you and you could have anything you wanted" - by the way, thanks Aria, for letting me survive that theoretical disappearance - so at first I'm thinking yea that would be awesome you could just walk in a store and get whatever you wanted, I, personally, imagined myself heading to the electronic section and loading up, but then I really started thinking, well, what would be the point of having an awesome laptop, phone, camera, etc. if there aren't other people around... what would really be the point? let's just assume by some miracle everything still works like normal - like electricity, internet, etc. - you would be getting online to... talk to no one? learn about things that probably have no relevance now because what are you going to do with that information? would you care about what kind of clothes you are wearing or how you look? would you really care to travel to see things? do your accomplishments, such as an educational degree or any type of award really matter? i'm going to go out on a limb and say "no" to all of the above... which basically means that the only thing that matters in life are the relationships you have with people... or for that matter even the relationships you don't have with people that somehow still govern what you value and what you do with your life... wow, this post really went heavy... so on that note, *climbing off soap box,* i'll just leave you with one of my favorite quotes....

"If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours."

                                                                                                                     [Dolly Parton]

[ arya + aria = trouble ]

I'm sorry, did you say something?

apparently not for the last two months! this is why I have never been successful at keeping journals or diaries of any sort... I can't tell you how many 5-page-used notebooks of mine that I find saying "so this time I'm really going to write..." and then I never do again... oh gosh, isn't that the worst... finding old embarrassing journals? or remembering any embarrassing moment in general! I get that "punch-myself-in-the-stomach-repeatedly " feeling... like why am I so embarrassing?! why did you have to do/say/act like that?! even when I'm watching movies and the character does something completely ridiculous it physically hurts me... my sister and I both sit in the corner cringing at the fictional embarrassment, and we can often be found screaming at the screen "STOP!! WHY is she doing that?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OH GOSH, SO EMBARRASSINGGG... STOPPP!!" or something along those lines... this post is essentially a rant just to say hey, i'm back... 

for now...

where did the time go

so we've finally moved... everything in the past few weeks has seemed like a blur, and i can't say that i'll be sad to see this month finally end! i've been so busy looking forward that i almost stumble on the days as they go by... so much so that it hadn't really hit me until just now that i am graduating in two days - forget that graduate school orientation is tomorrow and that directly after i will commence the seven hour journey back to tiger land - four years of undergraduate will be over in less than 48 hours. seriously, where did the time go? i remember just yesterday moving into the freshmen dorm and meeting lara, my roommate, and celebrating my "fifth" real birthday (yes, poor leap year baby) with my best friend of eight, now ten, years... i could have sworn i was just on a 13 hour time difference phone call with my mother... and i can almost taste the acai and cachorro quente shared with friends near the "pontao." yet, here i am sitting in our, (that would be my other half of 1 year 5 months and myself), one bedroom apartment, soaking up the sun that is creeping through our only living room window, and wondering where the time went...

MIA

Height: 5'9
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Time since disappearance: 4 days 19 hours
Last seen in the student union with a tall latte, some textbooks, and 5 hours of sleep...

image by ieatstars

the final countdown

203 the number of goldfish i ate yesterday while 'studying'
40 the score i dreamed i got on the mcat
33 reasons why i am stressed
28 hours i need in a day to get everything done
17 pairs of shoes i didn't realize i had
16 days until graduate school
15 boxes waiting to be packed
14 days until the mcat
12 days until orientation
11 to-do lists i have made in the last week
8 pm sunday - my scheduled vaty date consisting of desperate housewives and aim
7 hours in the car
6 days until the move
5 hours i have already wasted today via procrastination
4 cups of coffee i will have had before this day is up
3 final exams left
2 weeks until graduation
1 person to get me through this without going crazy
0 energy i currently have to get everything done

memories...

when my brother was younger...

him - "mom i know why the dinosaurs went 'estinked' "
mom - "oh really, why's that?"
him - "because they didn't take baths!"

final exams are not conducive to sleep...

photo by mameladenglasmomente

things i have done in the last 8 hours...

1. opened my physics book...
2. read a paragraph in my physics book
3. left my physics book to make no bake cookies
4. returned to physics book and re-read same paragraph
5. realized it was hot and drained the air conditioning unit that refuses to work for more than a day
6. sat down next to physics book
7. placed physics book in lap...
8. placed laptop in lap on top of open physics book...


let me just sum that up for you: nothing related to physics.

random...

peanuts are not nuts. or peas.

random...

thin mints do not make you thin.
or minted. (thanks, shab)

the bad luck fairy

have you ever met someone with bad luck? i mean the real stuff, not the occasional oh-man-my-cell-phone-dropped-in-the-toilet kind of luck (6 months ago), but the kind of luck that produces superfragilisticexpialidocious stories? Hi, nice to meet you. i used to think i was exaggerating (who me?), but when i reflect on the events that have occurred in my relatively "short" lifetime, i have to conclude... this kind of crazy just doesn't happen to everyone!!

let's just start with one fabulous tale...

imagine... a beautiful summer day, my mother and i were shopping around baton rouge... we had been at it for hours, and i was exhausted. so, i stayed in the car. my mother gave me her infamous "i'll just be 5 minutes," which is actually mom code for 30 to an hour. however, i sat in the car in front of hobby lobby... i was in the fire lane but i wasn't parked, because i was waiting for my mother for "5 minutes"... then i saw a cop patrolling the parking lot, and i thought, "you know with my luck..." so i went and parked the car. as soon as i removed the key i heard a "vroo vrip" - that is a police siren, by the way - and realized that their was a patrol car stopped in front of the car and one behind the car. here i am, thinking.. oh god, this is because of the fire lane? i wasn't even parked... a policeman walks to my door, requests my identification, and asks me to step out of the car, he asks, "what were you doing about 30 minutes ago?"

me: well, i was over shopping on siegen with my mom...
officer: you're going to need to come with me
me: but.. what is this about? can i just tell my mom, she's in the store..?
officer: i don't think so, how about you get in the car..
me, crying as i get into the back of the patrol car: but.. i don't understand...
officer: you weren't at a bank about an hour ago?
me, realizing that this wasn't about the fire lane: no...i told you i...
officer: so why are you crying if you didn't do anything wrong?
me: because this doesn't just happen to people!!
officer: well you're just going to come with me for a bit...

at this point i'm wondering if this policeman was even legit, if i was actually being kidnapped, and wondering why i hadn't gotten my cell phone out of the car...

he gets on his radio and tells them he's picked me up and he is on his way to the bank... he drives me to the bank. when we get to the bank there are more officers and people standing around.

another officer opens my door and says to me, joyfully, "yup, that's her!"
me, crying hysterically, frantic: "no, sir!"
him, showing me a foreign passport: "this yours? you leave something behind when you tried to cash that fake check?"
me, now officially concerned and seeing my new criminal life flash before my eyes: "no, sir! that is not me!"

thankfully, the manager from the bank comes out and says, "oh no officer, that's not her, see this girl is wearing a light pink shirt, the other girl was wearing a darker pink" ...

REALLY? YOU CAN GET PICKED UP AND THROWN IN THE BACK OF A PATROL CAR BECAUSE YOU ARE WEARING A PINK SHIRT? officer #1 took me back to my car and all he says is "the girl had a ponytail like yours and was wearing a pink shirt. uh, sorry" YOU CAN GET PICKED UP AND THROWN IN THE BACK OF A PATROL CAR BECAUSE YOU ARE WEARING A PINK SHIRT AND HAVE YOUR HAIR IN A PONYTAIL?

at this point it has been more than 30 minutes, and i was imagining my mother in horror, shock, beside herself because i am not at the car... on the contrary, she was still in hobby lobby, oblivious that i had ever been gone... i found her in the flower aisle... and when i tell her, with tear-filled eyes, "momma, the police just picked me up," she LAUGHS... ever heard of the boy who cried wolf? apparently i need to stop joking around.

long story shorter, later that day my grandma found out and was so upset that she proceeded to call the police station and tell them how i'm an american citizen, and ask them how can they just pick someone up because they have a brown ponytail and are wearing a pick shirt? she then asked them how many other poor innocent girls wearing pink shirts were picked up.

moral of the story: grandma's are awesome, and don't mix pink shirts with brown ponytails, you may be mistaken for a criminal.

new era, same problem...

It still surprises me when I see how people treat one another with disrespect or hatred... I guess this is due to the fact that I simply was not brought up this way. In fact, there was a time that I was even obliviously unaware that "prejudice" existed.

As cliche as it might sound, I was never raised to see different "races" or "colors"... we are surrounded everyday with variations in hair colors and eye colors, but we don't take a second look because of it - we see that we are clearly different, but we don't draw barriers or define ourselves or others by these physical traits. Growing up, skin color fell along these same lines for me...

However, over the years I have learned that what I once believed to be an inherent trait, humanity, is just not so. That feeling that I have deep within to treat others as I would like to be treated (independent of ethnicity, skin color, religion, etc.) is apparently not a conscious thought that passes through everyone's mind. The motivation to treat everyone encountered with kindness appears to be overshadowed by self-centered actions and an outwardly display of indifference, at the very least.

Can we just relate through our similarities, learn from our diversity, and all be friends?

you don't know what you're missing

probably about #3 on my list of reasons why i miss brazil...

i would like you to meet acai, as nature intended it. please don't mistake this with that purple stuff that is supposed to be a super-miracle-food found in powders, pills, extracts, juices, and frozen fruit pulp at a health store near you... not the same. i don't know what they are trying to sell you, but trust me, that is not acai. this bowl of wonder is reason enough for you to hop on an 8+ hour flight down to brazil... and as an added bonus you can sit on the beaches of rio de janeiro while eating your acai, and samba the night away...

saudades.

things you would see if you looked at my recent bank statement

you can apparently learn a lot about someone just by looking at their receipts...

1. running shoes and not just any running shoes, trail running shoes. i don't see myself running on mountains anytime soon, but this is a direct result of my frugality (they were the least expensive). and the extra 1/4 inch of tread on the sole is greatly appreciated, considering my recent loss of balance in latin dance class... things have gotten progressively worse since we moved on from bolero and started salsa... i find myself unable to stop spinning and consequently hysterical in laughter as i throw off the dance sequence and run over my partners...

2. biostatistics and biochemistry textbooks yuck and yuck. not looking forward to the subjects themselves, but i am looking forward to starting graduate school, which begins in four weeks... two days after graduation.

3. peacock eggs yes, real, hatchable, peafowl eggs. why? because mother's day is around the corner, and this is what my mother has requested. please keep in mind, my parents live on a farm now.

4. shorts because it is HOT and our air conditioning was broken for weeks... thankfully, now fixed. i'm actually a little cold now considering my range of temperature tolerance is extremely limited on both ends of the scale. on the plus side, i can now drink my cardamom tea without sweating.

5. a microphone for my iPod, so i can record lectures. i figure the $3 investment will pay off sometime in the next 5 years of education i have left...

6. a spice rack which I scored for $2.99 at the thrift shop - you can't even buy ONE spice jar for less than a dollar online or in stores. i couldn't be happier, it has been the object of my affection for the last three days. which, for clarification, directly relates to the fact that we are moving in three weeks, so i am nesting... p.s. i washed everything thoroughly.

blog stalking

have you ever noticed the thin line between following someone's blog and being a stalker? i've found myself addictively checking people's blogs recently... some of the blogs are from people i've known well for years, which is not what i'm worried about. no, my concern is with the people i've met once or not at all, and for some reason i can't get enough of their posts... to the point that i read their old posts from a time when i had no idea they existed. yesterday, i stumbled upon this blog and her recent post "carry that weight" just broke my heart. i then proceeded to read the rest of her tabs in their entirety and skim through her old posts... what can i say? i'm curious! but in all seriousness, the other day i was reading an article about how technology has made it so easy to get people's information. simply by having your cell phone on you can be located if you're within a 100 mile radius of a cell phone tower. not to mention, every time you do something online, sign in to any account, use your credit card...etc! this author "went on the run" for a year and dared his readers to find him. apparently he was found like 9 times, and that was with him using pre-paid phones, paying in cash, etc... just something to think about!

in other news, one of my younger sisters and i are obsessed with winning the 2010 HGTV green home. why, you ask? because we didn't win the 2010 HGTV dream home. all our time sending positive energy out into the universe was not enough. it's ok though, my sis and i decided that the chances that we would win a dream home AND the $80 million dollar lottery were slim, so it was probably better that we saved our win for the lottery. however, since we have still not won the lottery, we're refocusing our energies on the green home. don't enter the sweepstakes, it's ours. unless of course you're planning on giving it to us when you win...

speaking of green, you should watch the video i posted...

this.is.amazing

procrastination makes the world go round

as the end of the semester nears i have several things i should be doing instead of this, but it just wouldn't be the end of the semester without my old friend, procrastination. yesterday, as i began procrastinating in my usual way by listing all the things i need to do (which is a tricky form of procrastination since you can almost lead yourself to believe that by making lists you are actually doing something productive), i subsequently moved on from my list of things-to-do-until-the-end-of-the-semester to a list of things-to-do-for-the-next-5-to-6-years-of-my-life... the hyperventilation which followed was to be expected, as i counted away the next half a decade of my life and felt my youth slipping away in front of my eyes... i did, eventually, manage to calm myself down, but only after duly noting the plethora of things i have yet to see, learn, and conquer. in no particular order and definitely not limited to ....

1. travel the world (i have done my fair share, but i would like to point out that i have over 85% of the the world left to see)

2. learn several more languages (reasons behind this yet to come)

3. bungy jump, skydive, paraglide, etc....

4. find the courage to bungy jump, skydive, paraglide, etc...

5. revisit my viola/violin (and hopefully get past my regression to the 6th grade playing level)

6. conquer the guitar

7. dapple with my long lost love, art

8. write a book

9. meet Oprah (even if you don't like her you can't deny her influence on our generation)

10. act in something...

11. learn to like cooked carrots

12. perfect my culinary skills

13. win the lottery

14. find a cure for the major ailments of the world

15. world peace

16. run a marathon in 20 countries

17. go on the 'amazing race' with my little sister

and so on....

as you can see i have a lot on my plate. i would also like to point out a few key things about me...

1. i'm very passionate about what i believe to be justice and equality, and i do not like confrontation because i have this inherent need to please everyone ... which should be noted is a horrible combination and apparently makes me passive aggressive...

2. i have emotional issues with punctuation and capitalization.

i feel that "."s should be carefully placed, otherwise they seem mean and cold. this should explain my reoccurring "...", what appear to be run-on sentences, or overly zealous punctuation (i.e. ??, ?!, !, !!!) also, i find capitalization of letters to be less friendly. this being said, i would like to point out that my mother is an excellent and highly competent english teacher, who i'm sure is flinching at the sight of my post... i would also like to point out that i will not take any true offense by your choice of punctuation or capitalization, and that i do capitalize and 'punctuate' when need be :)

3. i hopelessly believe in the good in people and always feel the need to show the other side of a situation or argument, even if it isn't necessarily my point of view... i just can't let it go... i have to make sure everyone sees the whole picture. i'm pretty sure it's a serious problem. and yes, i know it can be annoying... i promise i'm working on it.