writing about my traumatic eye experience made me remember my yet-to-be-told chainsaw story. yes, you read that correctly, chainsaw. my parents decided to buy seventy-five acres of forest about three years ago, and six months later decided to start clearing the land and building the guesthouse. now, if you've met my dad you would know his theory on hiring people to do things for you goes something like "hire help? that's why you have kids!" and when that isn't enough, "borrow your brother's kids!" and so, the whole family cohorted to start clearing the land.
it's right before fourth of july weekend, sweltering hot in the houston heat and humidity, i'm using the chainsaw to cut down little, i mean smaller-than-the-width-of-my-arm, trees that are in the way of the driveway... this is all going down in truly rustic fushion: i'm wearing jeans, cowboy boots, a bandana... protective gear? what's that? no, i am not using protective gear... i'm cutting through a small pine when the chainsaw hits a knot, causing it to jump back in the direction of my left knee... the chainsaw turns off, i don't feel anything, i think to myself 'did i just cut my leg with the chainsaw...??' i put the chainsaw on the ground, look down at my knee and begin to scream... all i see is blood soaked jeans, i definitively feel something now... my younger cousin who had seen the whole thing about fifteen feet away from me is crying in horror, i'm grasping at my knee, everyone is yelling, my sister ties a bandanna around my knee and my dad who is about 900 feet away from me, all the way down the driveway, is running towards me, cursing why he let me use a chainsaw, he falls, continues to run.... he's so upset that he's red and hitting his legs with his fists, they get me in the car.... the hospital happens to be like thirty minutes away... my dad is driving like a madman with my uncle in tandem... my dad is stopping at red lights and my uncle is honking at him, yelling out the window in farsi "why are you stopping!!!" (try reading that 'Vy are you e-stopping' - hilarious)... he stops stopping at the red lights... all the while one of our friends who we were supposed to meet up later with is calling, my sister answers the phone and yells at him a short, "Ruben, Ary just cut her leg with a chainsaw" and hangs up... poor kid...
we finally make it to the hospital, there are no patients there, the triage nurse asks what happened.. (ummm just cut my leg with a chainsaw)... she makes small talk... "guess you can't be a knee model now"... she laughs... (listen lady, i'm bleeding)... she asks me what my pain is on a scale from one to ten (really?? an eleven maybe??)... they take me back to a bed and leave me with a gown... the nurse tells me to change... (oh, ok i'll just take off my boots and jeans by myself...) my mother comes back to help me... pain killers... some other stuff...local anesthesia... they ask me if i can still feel this [pokes knee]... yes, i can still feel that... more injections... 'can you feel this?' [poke]... uh, yea, yea i can... more injections.. [poke]... I CAN STILL FEEL IT! YOU CAN INJECT THE WHOLE BOTTLE, THANKS! i finally can't feel my knee... they clean my knee out (i almost pass out)... luckily my jeans stopped the chainsaw, causing it to bounce of my patella and preventing major damage... cut away burned tissue... close up my knee... a straight knee brace and crutches for two months, painkillers, no physical activity for one year... i finally get to go home...
the rest of the healing process was rather lackluster... i got left at home for the rest of the summer while everyone else was building (the things you have to go through in my family to get out of work!)... luckily, nearly three years later my knee is fully functional... and if it wasn't for a small scar on my knee and my residual fear of all power tools, you would never know of my encounter with the chainsaw... people actually seem disappointed when i tell them about the incident and then i show them my scar - they cut away all the dead and burned tissue, pulled it all together in a little line on my knee, and all i have to show for it is a five inch scar - well i'm sorry, people, that my scar isn't more impressive, next time i'll ask for a cooler one...
